I learned something about my heart on Christmas Eve. It likes tradition. Ok so I knew that but I didn't quite realize how much.
Every year my family attend Christmas Eve service at the church in which I grew up. My parents have since moved to a different church but we still go there for Christmas Eve Service. I sit in the same section with old Sunday school teachers in their spot and all the girls I was in choir with somewhere in the sanctuary. Since my parents began going to their current church we have gone to two services. It is great...if your heart is ready for it.
This year I was excited to see one particular friend. She has a special name for me- only she uses it. I was so looking forward to seeing all the faces from times gone by that I missed the first service we attended. I was there in body but my mind was far from the place. Try as I might (and feebly so at that) I could not reign in my thoughts to hear the sermonette. I mechanically sang carols that could have been worship too concerned with having the "perfect" Christmas Eve.
When we were at the second service I could not find my particular friend. I saw many other faces, gave hugs, and life updates but could not find her. I sat ready for the service to begin and almost cried. It was then I realized that I was worshipping the perfect Christmas Eve experience so much that I was not able to worship the One who created Christmas. At that point I wanted a redo on the evening. I wanted to go back and sing again with my spirit. I wanted to be an active listener so that my heart would be stirred to worship. Obviously there are no redos but there are fresh starts. A prayer of repentance and thankfulness and the second service was much sweeter as I was able to sing and hear with a different heart attitude.
Resolved to post on her Facebook wall, I stood up to put on my coat after the service, looked up, and saw her. Turns out she was looking for me too. After name calling, hugs, and an update we went our separate ways.
I'm so thankful for that delayed gift. If I had all I was wanting when I wanted it I might not have seen how much I was worshiping myself.