Monday, November 26, 2012

The Siloam Saga: My Heart in the Matter

My heart in the matter.
It wasn't a pretty one. Now it is starting to get rosier.
If you've been reading these posts you know I haven't exactly seemed thrilled by this new job.
It wasn't in my 5 year plan. No. I had no intention of moving this direction. I was hoping to move south.

I felt relieved when it looked like I was not getting the position. I wasn't going to have to worry about making new friends or finding a church. I wasn't going to need to find a place to live. Yes. It looked good.

When I got called on Friday, I had already wrestled with the prospect of this job a bit. I told the LORD " If you want me there you'll give me the job and provide a roommate or garage apartment sort of thing. You'll just work out the details."  Originally we, my parents and I, had settled I would need that kind of housing in order to move.   The job offer came but the housing didn't yet I knew I should take it. "If you work out the details." Once dad said take if certain conditions are met it just sort of sealed the deal.  While I knew it was right, I still wasn't happy. In fact,  I was rather put out.

You see my plan was thwarted.
(Have you noticed that theme on my blog? Plan thwarted --> pitch fit. Ugh selfishness)

What I should have done was rise up and bless God. What I did do was loudly complain.  I knew it was wrong. Told the Lord I saw it. And blatantly disobeyed.  At one point I thought I was all better and excited not unhappy, but then I became lax and fell back. My eyes were on myself- not on the glorifying God.

But then God....

You know what is coming. You've seen the catch phrase before.
God moved. He began to reveal all kinds of connections to people in Siloam.
I stopped and looked at the wonder of how I even got the job.
I have a place to stay until I find something closer.
Even my Texas friends have connections in Siloam. In fact, I'll be meeting them in this week or next!
I heard His voice speak to my heart. "Rebekah, do you really love your sin more than Me?"
No LORD. I don't love my sin but I've been acting like it. I want with my emotions to still act on it. But I love you more! I will choose righteousness. 
I will choose to consider how I will glorify you through this. I will choose to consider how will bless others. 
I will choose to love You.

I've had one day of work. No hurling or tears. People are nice. All were accommodating and helpful to the newbie. And I can already see different ways that coming here instead of going South is going to be good for me.

Blessed be the One who has pulled Me out of darkness into His marvelous light. Who does not let His children wander far from Him.

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