Monday morning before school I was sitting in the parking lot studying my Bible lesson for Wednesday church (I have taken to going to school 30minutes early on clinic days to spend time with Jesus. It is perfect- just me and Him in the car.) and I read this passage.
Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Something inside my head clicked. I know why I'm miserable about school. There it is plain as day.
I am a people pleaser. I want to be able to please them in all things. My instructors included. My parents. My friends and yes, even myself. In my selfishness I had the mindset that I *must* graduate- I *must* get a license -to please these people. To make them proud. To show them that I can do it. (hello pride) My focus has been on pleasing A. myself by not failing, B. others by not failing C. the all encompassing PRIDE.
As I read the highlighted verse above, I had that "gasp" moment. I am not remembering (living consciously) that this isn't about an earthly inheritance. This isn't about even shining a light in my workplace or doing this great thing "for the LORD". It should be that I work heartily because I want to please the LORD. He will provide the reward be it graduation and license or just sweeter fellowship.
I have tried before to shift my focus to doing spiritual things like sharing the Good News with my patients or having a good attitude (because that proves I am trusting Him, right?) while I am in school. Yet, the primary focus was still not on working for the LORD but rather doing things for the LORD while I do things for others- mainly my own pride.
Maybe this is just the same thing that He has tried to teach me over and over this semester. It just seems to be slightly different this time. (Obviously I can't put it into words quite yet) Or maybe I just needed a reminder that I
Monday went beautifully.
I have four weeks left to beg the LORD to hold my attention. To choose to take the thoughts captive and submit them to the Truth. To work "heartily unto the LORD" with my eyes fixed on pleasing Him through what I do first and foremost and if my instructors are happy and I graduate/get a license--well that is just a bonus.